I’m so glad I found this podcast. THANK YOU for doing what you do, Vanessa & Xander, and taking the time and energy to do it, and for be so vulnerable and open with your audience as well. I feel seen and that I’m not alone or weird with my issues or questions. I’ve listened to so many of your podcasts, have your book and I really appreciate the additional resources and guides you offer through your business. Keep up your great work ❤️‍🔥

Thank you so much for all of the work you put into this podcast. It’s so helpful to hear about the personal ups, downs, struggles, challenges, and joys that you have in your own relationship - it helps to normalize that life isn’t as perfect as most Instagram reels have you believe. I also love the inputs and evaluations you guys share with questions that others ask you, or the polls you share on Instagram. Thank you for all that you do, and the honesty and integrity with which you do this show! It’s helped me to understand my own self and relationship better. Forever grateful!

I just listened to the episode about how your relationship is going and I think it was my favorite. My boyfriend and I have an extremely healthy relationship and hearing other couples speak live about how their relationship is doing and the things that they’re proud of and are working on feels very resonant to me. There aren’t many creators showing live what interpersonal communication with a partner can look like and it feels like couple friends who are actually on the same level as us. Thank you.

I’m in a new relationship at 53 years old, and it’s the healthiest of my life. I love listening to your episodes with my sweetie. We take away lots of creative tips and advice, and always have so much fun laughing along with the two of you. Thanks for what you do Vanessa and Xander! It’s a joy to witness your sweet love.❤️

I really enjoy this podcast and I gotta say the “unhinged” episodes are my favorites. My favorite podcasts are more casual with a few nuggets of info weaved in because life is heavy and I can’t feel like I’m in a course most days. Please keep it going! We’re listening 💕

The most impactful part of discovering this podcast is the safe space that’s created. I have related to more issues on here than I want to admit and it’s so refreshing to press play during my commute home and feel seen!!

Thank you for being REAL about what’s going on in your lives. It is comforting knowing people go through the same issues with their partner and there’s nothing wrong with you. 🤣 we struggle with some of the same issues.

I found you guys when I was searching for sex therapists to follow on Instagram (to get advice for my own relationship). After following for a few weeks, I unfollowed every single one except for you guys! You guys are TRULY the BEST!!! I feel like you’re speaking directly to me and my thoughts at least once in every episode I’ve listened to. You give such great advice, and definitely make me feel less alone. Please never stop doing what you’re doing!

Love this!

I am really grateful to Vanessa and Xander for providing this podcast along with all the materials. They make a really intimidating process of getting more comfortable talking about sex much more manageable. My wife and I have a long way to go, but we see a path to progress, and that really matters.

I spent 20+ years in a very sexually toxic relationship. I have struggled with sexual norms since divorcing. Vanessa and Xander’s banter and truthful takes have brought me not only laughter but validation of my decisions. Not only to walk away from that relationship but in my dating life and relationships since. I recommend this podcast to anyone who struggles with intimacy issues or who just needs to laugh! They are a bright spot in my day. 🤍🤍🤍

The first is Pillow Talks podcast with Xander and Vanessa. The second is ‘over-the-ear hearing protection with….built-in bluetooth 🤯. While my work took me away from my lovely wife and our pre teen kids for the last three months, I began exploring podcasts for the first time. I know it’s crazy to learn that I’ve never listened to podcasts until 2024! I specifically was looking for content that could help spice up🧂our sex life. Probably because I think about having sex with my wife a lot 😍 and always have. I was hoping to find some content that I could share with her to spur some conversations and see if we could add some more giddy up 🤠 in the bedroom. Our sex life hasn’t been bad during our 26 years together. In fact it’s the best I’ve ever had. But hey, I admit I’m easy to please and I’ve learned to work hard to make sure she gets pleased 😛😓. What’s changed is I wanted to turn my desire to explore, into action…😉with her. Discovering Pillow Talks podcasts with Xander and Venessa was exactly what I was looking for…and more. I would listen after work. During the day I had plenty of demolition work ahead of me so I went out to buy a new set of hearing protection. I saw on the shelf, a pair of over-the-ear protection with… built in blue tooth. I didn’t know they had such a thing 🤯. I was now able to binge on Pillow Talks podcasts while working all day and my coworkers had no idea why I was smiling and sometimes laughing🤪. When they asked I simply told them I was listening to podcasts about ‘marriage and relationships’😱. I wasn’t fibbing. While listening to V&X, I discovered they cover way more than just sex. Their topics delve into many areas of sex and…how our ‘out of the bedroom relationship’ is intertwined with our sex and our sex is, intertwined with our relationship. My wife and I have had our ebbs and flows in both areas as most couples do. However, over the years it seems our synchronization of these two areas became less frequent. In years past, she would find ways to express her desire to be more emotionally connected. With my ‘all consuming’ military career in full swing back then, I dismissed her hints because I had no interest in having to think about my own psychology and try to fix something at home that seemed to be working ‘ok’. Here we are three years after leaving the service and I’m sharing my discovery of Pillow Talks with my wife and she is fully on board. We each would highlight a couple episodes to listen to based on titles and later discuss them over the phone. My lodging arrangements could not guarantee my conversations wouldn’t be overheard. 🤫 We agreed this would be so much more productive and exciting to do when I’m home. 😍🥳 While home for a two week break, we would share a pair of earbuds while listing to pillow talks, with the kids in the car. Again 🤫 not ideal but that was where we found the time. What is ideal is we are both winning 🥰😛. I have found a way to meet her need for us to be more emotionally connected (and I am loving it too). We both feel better and are talking more about many things. This includes talking about sex, what we like, what we don’t like and what we are willing to try. These talks turn into action. More sex, more fun with sex…even after more than two decades together. Although we recognize it can be deeper and more complicated than just sex, we both want more out of our marriage. I think these podcasts can help us get there and the journey is fun. I’m confident the Pillow Talks podcasts can help many couples in similar ways. P.S. I bought The Ultimate Foreplay Guide package earlier this month. We have so much more to ‘talk about’ 😉 when I get home in a week 🥳. For us, the formula is easy. More talk leads us to…more action🤠😘😛.

My partner and I have been married for 11 years. We have a strong relationship and a fun, passionate, satisfying sex life. So far I have listened to only 3 of your episodes and your foreplay guide. The content has sparked deep, meaningful conversations, elevated our fun between the sheets, and inspired greater connection between us. I am leaving this review to say thank you, and in case others out there skim over your podcast thinking they already have a great relationship and great sex. Even if that’s true, Vanessa and Xander have so much to offer you!

One of the most important aspects of this podcast is the modeling that they do of a healthy partnership. They both bring strengths to the relationship and they show in the podcast how they celebrate and appreciate those strengths in each other.

I am a mental health therapist and I listen to these episodes on my drives home from work as a decompression time. It’s helpful for me as a clinician when facing certain topics with clients and it is helpful for me in my own relationship with my husband. We are parents to four young kids and are starting to reconnect again now that we are out of the baby phase. Your content has been so helpful for that! Lots of conversations have been started from these episodes and I look forward to listening each week! Thank you.

I’ve tried listening to other sex & relationship advice podcasts but none are like pillow talks with Vanessa & Xander ! I literally look forward to their weekly episodes and watch their Instagram stories on the daily! I love how real & authentic they are! If you’re contemplating listening in I highly advise giving an episode a try, because you’ll be hooked to find more to listen to after just one.

Vanessa & Xander are so insightful. As a male, it’s so helpful to get Vanessa’s perspective on things and Xanders bluntness is refreshing. Highly recommend to anyone looking to be more romantic or understanding of their partner!

I am navigating my first serious relationship while juggling college life, it felt like a rollercoaster, and I was desperately seeking guidance. Enter: Pillow Talks. This podcast quickly became my go-to resource for all things relationships, saving me from countless rookie mistakes. Each episode tackles real-world issues with genuine empathy and expert advice. Vanessa and Xander break down complex topics into relatable, easy-to-digest conversations. They blend personal anecdotes with professional insights, making each episode both informative and comforting. If you’re in your early 20s and new to the serious relationship scene, this podcast is a treasure trove of wisdom. It’s like having a wise friend who’s been through it all, guiding you through the highs and lows of all things love, sex, and relationships. Highly recommend! 🎙️❤️

They’re the best! So open and honest.

I’m so humble to have you two do this for all of us. This podcast is informative, fun, relatable and at time very spicy. You are a great couple thank you thank you! Keep doing pillow talks so I can keep pillow listening!! Love you both.

I learn so much from Vanessa and Xander and they always make me feel like I’m not alone in whatever thoughts or challenges I have when it comes to intimacy and relationships.

I’ve learned so much from Vanessa and Xander. They literally cover every question I’ve ever had. The podcasts are extremely thorough, funny, playful, open and just what I need. I’ve bought a few courses so far and I truly feel that Vanessa and Xander are the best in the field. Over the years I’ve spent a ton of time on YouTube, google and books to learn what Vanessa and Xander teach all in one place and they’re much more structured as well as thoughtful in their approach. I cannot say enough good things about them and the work they do. Thank you to you both and for all of the hard work you put in to help couples and single people too who are looking to learn more about themselves as well as how to have healthy long lasting relationships.

Vanessa and Xander share information and broach topics that can sometimes be taboo in a fun and informative way! Definitely worth listening!!!

I first heard Vanessa and Xander on Fake Doctors Real Friends (Zach and Donald’s podcast). I love how honest and vulnerable they are. I have really enjoyed catching up with past episodes I have missed and look forward to the new ones every week!

I absolutely love this podcast! The dynamic between Vanessa & Xander is so funny and relatable. They talk about important relationship & sex topics that are available right at our fingertips!!! They make me feel so much more confident when going to my partner to talk about some of these more difficult or sometimes awkward conversations. These two make my work commute go by so quick & I learn so much! 🫶🏼✨ Highly recommend!

I cannot recommend this podcast enough. My friends are probably sick of me telling them to listen to Pillow Talks but I tell them all the time because it is SO GOOD. I like to listen when my young kids go to bed and I’m trying to unwind. It’s funny, educating, and so personable. Highly recommend!

Vanessa and Zander have liberated me in the 5th decade of life. Their shows are always pertinent to issues I am concerned with and their advice is spot on. They are funny, insightful and compassionate. I am working in body positivity and releasing shame around sex. Thank you for your help! Heather

Vanessa and Xander are great to listen to. I appreciate all the education and stories they share. It is nice to hear a male and female opinion on the topics or stories they discuss. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in many of these topics.

I’ve been listening for a few months and have enjoyed the series and it’s benefited my relationship. Engaged in Instagram to follow content. In the recent Ask us Anything episode 174, you talk about having integrity and not having the perspective of parents due to not having kids. I made a very similar content on an IG post about steering away from teaching people how to talk to their kids about relationships. Instead of being genuine, you or your team just blocked me. Doesn’t show high integrity to me. Keep up the good work, but not cool to block your well engaged audience for one feedback comment.

Vanessa and Xander are truly changing relationships and marriages. They’re creating content that my husband and I didn’t know we needed! From their podcast to their book, from their Instagram to their courses - we both love everything they create. They add value, create a new (healthier) narrative, and are surely changing the trajectory of my partnership. Love their authenticity and am so grateful they choose to do this work!

This podcast truly is for everyone and something I think everyone should listen to, even if you aren’t in/haven’t had long term marriages or relationships. I stumbled upon Pillow Talks when V was being interviewed on another podcast that just happened to auto play when my current episode ended. I thought to myself, well this sounds interesting so I kept listening and boy am I glad I did. I have now listened to just about every episode of Pillow Talks, even ones that don’t really apply to me. I may not be their traditional listener as I have never been married, don’t have kids and haven’t had relationships longer than a couple years, but their content still applies especially since a long term relationship/marriage is something I do want. Regardless of your relationship history we all have experiences that mold who we are, and this podcast was a refreshing approach to normalize so many topics in relationships and helped me identify some things within myself. For me, it’s almost like a playbook of issues that could come up in a relationship and helps identify them ahead of time, and helps me see the other’s point of view more. When I stumbled upon this podcast it was at the start of a new healthy and happy relationship and I truly think it’s what helped take our relationship to the next level - from communication, to desire, to understanding each other’s needs more, the list goes on. I can’t recommend them enough, regardless if you think you “need help” or not in your current relationship, I promise V&X will open your eyes and give you lots of food for thought. That’s why I think everyone should listen, there is so much to learn about yourself and each other…and have lots of extra fun along the way. 😉

Kind Words for these two!

Most podcasts on this topic are on extreme spectrums of either grossly raunchy and filled with annoying language or overly clinical sounding. Vanessa and Xander do a fantastic job talking like normal people about a generally uncomfortable topic. Event episodes about topics I have no interest in don’t show “unplayed”

I’ve never been into podcasts until now. Vanessa and Xander popped by cherry and I can’t wait to hear more! My friend sent me their instagram site and once I found out about the podcast I listened to all episodes within two months. It not only helped my sex life, but helped me as an individual sexually and emotionally. I’ve been with my partner for 6 plus years and we just got married a few months ago. Our spark after having a kid 2.5yrs ago majorly depleted. This podcast helped me help myself in feeling more comfortable within my body and exploring new things with my now husband. Thank you Vanessa and Xander for being vulnerable with personal experiences (it makes it so much more relatable and safe) and for the invaluable advice and all the jokes!

Xander and Vanessa break down all the issues into practical ways that create an environment of learning without feeling shame about the emotions one may have surrounding different areas of one’s sexuality. They keep it real and challenge everyone to do the hard work required for open communication which leads to a fulfilled sex life.

Growing up as a sheltered Christian girl, not having sex-ed in school, and waiting until marriage, this podcast makes the topic of sex light and fun. Not mysterious and taboo. Thank you both for all you do❤️

Love this podcast, it gives me so much food for thought regarding my own committed relationship and sexuality. Definitely recommend!

Vanessa and Xander have seriously changed my life. No exaggeration. Between therapy, this podcast and the hard work that both have supported me doing, my level of happiness and quality of life is better than ever. I come from a background of an abusive childhood - mental, emotional, religious, sexual, you name it. The material you guys cover helps me feel so understood and like there is so much hope. I have gone from having zero sex drive and feeling like I could live without sex for the rest of my life, to initiating almost daily, trying so many new things, talking openly in a healthy way about sex with my husband and kids, asking for what I need, and sincerely loving myself more. I still have a lot of work left to do, but your thoughtful and intentional material has helped tremendously and will continue to be a part of my work. Keep it coming - it’s the highlight of my week! Appreciate y’all so much! 🫶🏻🙏🏻😊 PS - invest in the guides! They’re worth it!

I have and continue to use advice and lessons learned from these 2! Has helped my GF and I talk more openly about our sex lives.

My husband and I love the content of the podcast, but almost every episode there’s a weird moment where Vanessa belittles and/or talks over Xander that makes the both of us uncomfortable listening to it. Yes, she’s the expert and he’s the “regular guy,” but that’s exactly what makes his points valid and helpful in the episodes.

I’ve followed on instagram for a year but never made time to listen to the podcast. I didn’t know what I was missing! I love listening now. So many subjects, so easy to listen to. Very informative for me as a wife and a mother. Plus it keeps me entertained!

I’m a newish subscriber but now never miss an episode. I love how Vanessa and Xander approach all the s*x topics with such knowledge, experience and also humor. I love them!

Sensitive subjects presented in a sensitive and helpful way. I was looking forward to the next podcast. Thank you Vanessa and Xander.

I found out about this podcast from Armchair Expert with Dax Shepherd and have been binging episodes ever since! I’ve been with my now-husband since we were seventeen (we’re actually celebrating ten years this week!) so we had to learn everything together and we’ve learned so much more from this podcast. I love the professional point-of-view coupled with the “normal guy” point-of-view and you both bring something different to the table.

I heard about this pod from a Facebook group for one of my other favorite shows! Decided to give it a try and I haven’t had one regret at all. I typically listen to podcasts while I’m working and there’s some days I’ll listen for 8 solid hours. Many of your conversations/question topics have made me see that I’m not alone in how I feel about s*x. I often catch myself sending episodes to my husband to give him new perspectives. He’s often complaining about our s*x life and it’s super frustrating for me as I’m 7 months pregnant and work night shift. So keep up the good work and thank you for being a light to my relationship and others! And thank you for giving tips and tricks to ramp up the action!

I’ve been married for 9 years and have been having various issues in my marriage lately. This podcast has really helped me to communicate better with my spouse. I especially needed the resentment episode. Listening to this has improved my mental health. Thank you for all of your help and advise.

I found this podcast and Sex Talks (haven’t read YET, but very excited to do so) after hearing an interview with Vanessa on another podcast. I realized how much my partner and I lacked confidence talking about sex which is… unfortunate. Since listening, we have really enjoyed learning and playing together in the bedroom thanks to some inspo from Vanessa & Xander. I just bought the foreplay, best week ever, and the sexual bucket list guides and can’t wait for more “hands-on” learning 😉 Professionally, as a counselor, I really appreciate the conscientiousness and intentionality that Vanessa & Xander have when they talk about body confidence and sex. It’s a REALLY sensitive topic for a lot of people and I feel confident in recommending this podcast to clients and who struggle with that topic. Bonus recommendation- find some friends to listen and discuss the podcast at “book club”. Makes for some interesting and entertaining conversations!

I kind of stumbled across this podcast and have been scrolling through previous episodes anytime I have free time. As someone who was raised to have a lot of shame related to sex this podcast has made me feel so much better about talking about sex with my partner.

Please don’t use my name if posting or mentioning this review. This podcast is so entertaining and informative. I stumbled upon this podcast looking for anything related to marriages and relationships and I was so happy to find pillow talks! I have often found myself laughing along with the co-hosts and have learned a lot in communicating my wishes and feelings with my wife. My incredible wife and I have been married for 16 years with 2 awesome kids and as many couples we ran into some communication and intimacy issues so we started marriage counseling to address them. This podcast has been a great supplement to our counseling. I’ve shared quite a few episodes with my wife and she has said they have been helpful and fun too. Listening to Vanessa and Xander speak and joke together provides great entertainment and an easy way to learn how to communicate these sensitive topics with my wife.

I love this podcast and how it normalizes women getting pleasure too! How did our society get like this? I’m so sad it took too many years to learn my body and what I like. I first starting following Vanessa on IG (pre Vanessa and Xander!) a few years ago but recently have been binging Pillow Talk episodes. I’ve been learning so much from this podcast and especially love the phrase everyone who wants an orgasm gets one! My husband was recently on a men only camping trip and they all mentioned that their wives never want seggs and he said “strange, my wife wants seggs ALL the time” I think that’s because of you Vanessa and Xander! It’s been helping our relationship a lot. We have been thriving even in a season of raising young kids. I’m going to mention this podcast next time I see those wives for sure! Thanks guys for normalizing pleasure! I won’t end this review with emojis because I know how Xander feels about them! 😉ok just one